


Sayonara

by YumeArashi



Category: Fushigi Yuugi
Genre: Aftermath, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Out of Character, POV First Person, Spoilers, Tearjerker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 20:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tasuki's thoughts at the loss of a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sayonara

**Author's Note:**

> Major character canon death, spoilers up to episode 33, possibly OOC

I've seen men die before, but nothing has ever affected me like this. I'm a bandit, no stranger to death, but this is different. A part of me is gone. It isn't just that Nuriko was a fellow seishi -- he was a good friend. He can't really be dead. No one that full of life could have left us so suddenly. Who will tease Miaka and Tamahome now? Who will be there to make us laugh at ourselves, to keep us from taking things too seriously?

I knew that being a seishi would be dangerous, but this is real in a way I'd never grasped. Danger is only a concept, nothing more than an idea -- but the blood on the ground is very real.

I feel like I never really knew him. Is there anyone who will grieve for him? Did he have a family back home? Brothers or sisters like Tama and I, parents who will wonder when their son is coming home? Did he have anyone he could confide in? A friend to everyone else, who did he turn to when he needed someone? Was he so busy being strong for others he never had the chance to be human himself? Maybe we forgot that his heart may not have been as strong as his body. Maybe that's what hurts so much about his death.

I wonder briefly how the emperor's taking this. He must have felt it -- we all did, even before we knew. Did he ever know how deeply Nuriko loved him? I was brought up to think that such a thing was wrong, but I can't believe there can have been anything bad about an emotion so pure. It seems such a damned waste, now. Hotohori might or might not have known, but he certainly never returned the feeling. That Nuriko died unrequited, unloved, is an injustice for which I can't forgive the world. He gave too much to have received so little.

Mitsukake is healing his wounds; it's all he can do. There may be no injury or illness he can't fix, but no one has the power to call back a soul that has left its shell. Tamahome drags Miaka back, screaming and crying, and a part of me wants to shake her for her childish temper-tantrum. What's the point? You can't outrun this reality, you can't change it with your screams. Nuriko is gone and nothing is going to change that. All we can do is accept it. The best remembrance I can give him is by honoring what he tried to do. We'll get that shinzaho and call Suzaku. We'll win. Kitto.

I harden my heart against the tears and stand. Mitsukake is speaking soothing words to her, but I don't hear them. I have a task to perform, and tears and gentle words alike are a waste. My heart's pain won't help him now. The road is dark with his light gone, but that doesn't matter. Dark or light, we still have to follow it.

Nuriko, I'll miss you.

 


End file.
